16 Sept. 2018

Why is today better than yesterday? Why am I not on the verge of tears today? Why yesterday did I weep during my run, and today I will step out with strength? Yesterday morning, Tim hugged me. He offered to hang the mirror in Valpo. He filled the bike tires. He rode bikes with me. He held my hand on the way home from Duneland Beach Inn. He loves me and he shows me in his way.

This morning, he reads in the lake house living room, and I type in the sunroom. I interject my thoughts, and he responds patiently. He loves me.

I mention our grief, but I do not dwell in it. It will always be there, but today, it is not ruling my world. It is not rushing through my veins to my heart. Today, it feels like Grace is in the air. We just have to bear witness to it.  

This morning, I respond to e-mails. I reassure a professor who missed that his advisee needs another General Education course to graduate. I tell him we can  arrange for the student to add the course. I can sign off on the petition. It feels good – one simple e-mail of reassurance and understanding and connection. These things happen. We can resolve it together.

Today, I banter with the kids about my dress for Bethy’s wedding. I say I found another sparkley one to buy for when Brendan wins an Emmy or an Oscar. Today, we dream. We move forward.

I e-mail great friends about a dinner date. We make plans to attend the Three Oaks Festival before the dinner. Tim is on board.   

Today, I may be a grandma again – Grandma Nance who loves to Dance. Today is a blessed day. We wait with joy. Our grandson will enter this world when he is ready. He is hope and Light. We look to the future and stop wondering how we missed out on the miracles of our own toddlers because we were too busy with our lives.

Today we slow down. Today we live. Today is better because it is today.